Today is my son's birthday. He is 7 today and I cannot celebrate this day with him. I feel so hurt inside. Noone knows my pain right about now. People keep telling me to leave him where he is. I get so mad when they say this to me. How can they? A bond with between a mother and child is unexplainable. I have had my child since the first day of his life. We are close and sadly I really believe he does not care that he's not here. I sometimes feel they brainwashed him but I know him and I know he's too smart for that. I am not the only one that has made this comment. Sigh....I'm so hurt. Sometimes I get so mad because I feel he has betrayed me in so many ways, then other days I just miss him. I see him in my baby and I just miss his presence. I hate his father and his family. I know hate is a strong word but I feel it, at least I do today. He has not even said hey why don't you come to see him. I go to his town every 2 weeks and I always see him, but because his wife is insecure within herself, I'm not allowed to talk to him. Which to me is some bullshit because we made a child together. So I'm stuck dealing with his mom. She wanted my son to herself since he was born anyway. She always felt she could raise him the way she wanted to raise her son that died. I guess when i return to school, I'll feel better. Today is just a sad day. I want to go over there and blow the spot up, but it's complicated. My lawyer didn't pitch a fit about the details that's in the final paperwork. So they can come here and say "your oldest son is here today so you cannot have a visit with D.
I will make sure I say a little prayer today.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
If you could, would you?
Go back and relive any part of your life? Fix anything, change anything or just relive that part of your life?
I would relive my junior year of high school. I met this person and when I gave them my phone number, I somehow knew oneday I would regret it. I do alot. If I could go back I would put a sign on my door that says please don't knock because what you're about to ask is not allowed. LOL
I would probably make sure I meet some famous person, or do start my business while I'm in high school.
How about it. What would you do? Would you just leave it alone or would you go back into time?
I would relive my junior year of high school. I met this person and when I gave them my phone number, I somehow knew oneday I would regret it. I do alot. If I could go back I would put a sign on my door that says please don't knock because what you're about to ask is not allowed. LOL
I would probably make sure I meet some famous person, or do start my business while I'm in high school.
How about it. What would you do? Would you just leave it alone or would you go back into time?
Monday, July 21, 2008
A question for MEN but women can get in on this too!!!
Can someone help me understand a man like this please!
Ok say you have a man, and I'm going to call him Perry and a girl, her name will be Danielle. These two people are in a relationship. Ok so Danielle is outgoing, she's from a large city, she has goals and is not a homebody. Perry is from a large city, used to be outgoing, never really had any goals, and has turned into a true homebody.
Ok so Danielle gets out of the house often. She is going to school, she is helping family, she gets up and takes care of her business. The only thing is , Danielle does not necessarily come straight home. She may be out and think hmmmm since I'm out, I need to get this done, so let me take care of it before i forget. Meanwhile Perry is at home getting pissed because she has now been gone for three hours. Ok but Danielle has offered him to come along and as usual he refused. Anyway, she makes it home 4 hours later. Has finished everything she wanted to get done and now she is home. Walks in the door and says hi to Perry. Perry is not speaking to her, he is furious because she has been gone for awhile. He has not bothered to ask her what she has been doing, he just automatically gets mad because she's been gone.
Ok what I want to know is: Why isn't this called nagging to some sort of degree? Like wth? Why does a woman almost 30yrs, not married, have to deal with this everyday? Why is he acting as if she have a curfew? Get gets pissed about this everyday. Meanwhile she is a neat freak and because he know this, it seems as though he won't clean behind himself. If she say anything to him, calmly, or conversational wise, this is called nagging. WTF? I don't understand this. Can someone answer this question for me. Perry :Why didn't you call?.......ummm because when I offered to buy you a phone for christmas, you didn't want one. So was you going to draw a phone and answer it when I call? Danielle: Why don't you want to go, so you can see getting mad is stupid? Oh because i don't like going anywhere anymore. Oh but you go to the store to pick up cigars. You'll go for that. I could never understand this.
So can someone help me with this?
Ok say you have a man, and I'm going to call him Perry and a girl, her name will be Danielle. These two people are in a relationship. Ok so Danielle is outgoing, she's from a large city, she has goals and is not a homebody. Perry is from a large city, used to be outgoing, never really had any goals, and has turned into a true homebody.
Ok so Danielle gets out of the house often. She is going to school, she is helping family, she gets up and takes care of her business. The only thing is , Danielle does not necessarily come straight home. She may be out and think hmmmm since I'm out, I need to get this done, so let me take care of it before i forget. Meanwhile Perry is at home getting pissed because she has now been gone for three hours. Ok but Danielle has offered him to come along and as usual he refused. Anyway, she makes it home 4 hours later. Has finished everything she wanted to get done and now she is home. Walks in the door and says hi to Perry. Perry is not speaking to her, he is furious because she has been gone for awhile. He has not bothered to ask her what she has been doing, he just automatically gets mad because she's been gone.
Ok what I want to know is: Why isn't this called nagging to some sort of degree? Like wth? Why does a woman almost 30yrs, not married, have to deal with this everyday? Why is he acting as if she have a curfew? Get gets pissed about this everyday. Meanwhile she is a neat freak and because he know this, it seems as though he won't clean behind himself. If she say anything to him, calmly, or conversational wise, this is called nagging. WTF? I don't understand this. Can someone answer this question for me. Perry :Why didn't you call?.......ummm because when I offered to buy you a phone for christmas, you didn't want one. So was you going to draw a phone and answer it when I call? Danielle: Why don't you want to go, so you can see getting mad is stupid? Oh because i don't like going anywhere anymore. Oh but you go to the store to pick up cigars. You'll go for that. I could never understand this.
So can someone help me with this?
How would you react to this?
Ok so I have this aunt, well my only aunt on my mom's side. She is like from mars or somewhere. The reason I say this is because she does not care about anyone but the men in her life. She has a mini baseball team and I don't get how she can put a man before any of her kids. Anyway all of my life I have been the one to take up her slack. I was the one who raised majority of her kids. In 06' I took 3 of her kids in and I bought them everything. I mean everything down to the pampers for the baby. I already had 2 kids of my own so imagine the stress. I was going to school(nursing clinicals) and working full time. I know it sounds like a lot but I believe in helping people. I didn't think twice about helping b/c those kids didn't have anyone else. So out of all of this, I ended up dropping out of school, quitting my job(I was going to quit anyway) cleaning out my savings, and so much more, just to support her kids. Anyway I felt she really appreciated it, eventhough she never express her appreciation. Ok so fast forward to 2007. I had some bad mess that happened to me, and I really needed her help. I had my moms help but we really have a small family. So when I asked her to help me, she looked at me like I had shit on my face. I was hurt at first but as time went by I got pissed. I expressed my feelings to my mom and I was like "mom am I wrong". I mean because i believe in checking yourself first before you check someone else. Anyway I just wanted the same kind of help from her that I gave to her over the 21yrs of my life. Yup I have been helping her dumb ass since I was 5. Anyway I stopped talking to her w/o an explanation. So she calls me and ask me to buy her some food. LMAO I mean are you effing serious? Anyway I told her no and she asked why. Let me just add : the way she asked me was like she was entitled to anything I had. lol
So I told ya know, I'm big on family. I thought you knew this since I was taking care of your kids when I was a little kid. I thought you knew this when I gave up a lot just to help you relocate. I mean rented a car, paid for gas, bought her family food on the way to where we were going, paid for them to be in a hotel, paid for them to move, got a loan so they can get started in my name for them. Yeah that's what kind of person I am. Anyway she was like whatever you was supposed to help. My kids needed you and it was your responsibility to get them.
What?!? Omg I slapped the spit from her mouth. Are you serious. You gots to be kidding me. Let's not talk about how you all of a sudden think you are better than everyone in the family because you have been clean for 2 yrs for ONCE in your life. Anyway just recently her oldest daughter needed help really bad. So as usual I pitched in to help, she comes up with this bogus mess about why she's not going to help. I mean damn do something for her one time in your life. Anyway I don't remember everything about what happened but i no longer talk to her. She does not have my number, she's not invited to any functions, she is just not in my life. I can't deal with her, she is selfish and retarted. She let men run her life and since I'm not an advocate for things of that nature, I chose to stay away. I cannot tell you how good I feel that I am not dealing with her. I was really stressing over how stupid she is and how she is treating the people who has always helped her. I kept to myself that I knew she was sleeping with my classmates from highschool, because I knew she would pretend she didn't know what I was talking about. She is so dirty, she slept with my father and my parents were married. It's just like i said , she is from planet mars.
Anyway how would you handle this type of family member?
So I told ya know, I'm big on family. I thought you knew this since I was taking care of your kids when I was a little kid. I thought you knew this when I gave up a lot just to help you relocate. I mean rented a car, paid for gas, bought her family food on the way to where we were going, paid for them to be in a hotel, paid for them to move, got a loan so they can get started in my name for them. Yeah that's what kind of person I am. Anyway she was like whatever you was supposed to help. My kids needed you and it was your responsibility to get them.
What?!? Omg I slapped the spit from her mouth. Are you serious. You gots to be kidding me. Let's not talk about how you all of a sudden think you are better than everyone in the family because you have been clean for 2 yrs for ONCE in your life. Anyway just recently her oldest daughter needed help really bad. So as usual I pitched in to help, she comes up with this bogus mess about why she's not going to help. I mean damn do something for her one time in your life. Anyway I don't remember everything about what happened but i no longer talk to her. She does not have my number, she's not invited to any functions, she is just not in my life. I can't deal with her, she is selfish and retarted. She let men run her life and since I'm not an advocate for things of that nature, I chose to stay away. I cannot tell you how good I feel that I am not dealing with her. I was really stressing over how stupid she is and how she is treating the people who has always helped her. I kept to myself that I knew she was sleeping with my classmates from highschool, because I knew she would pretend she didn't know what I was talking about. She is so dirty, she slept with my father and my parents were married. It's just like i said , she is from planet mars.
Anyway how would you handle this type of family member?
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